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A DIET CHRISTMAS CAROL, ONE DICKENS OF A DIET STORY

Act 1

Edna Weezer's diet was dead, deader than a doornail. There is no doubt whatsoever about that. That cheese Danish for breakfast, those cheese enchiladas for lunch, and those 3 hunks of rum raisin cake testified of such.

Edna drew herself closer into the warmth of her full-length imitation fur jacket, wishing it were a couple of sizes larger as she staggered through the blinding blizzard to the marketplace. She was in dire need of warmth, and thoughts filled her head of the broccoli cheese soup that she would make later that evening for her supper.

In her haste, she stumbled into two elderly men, both their faces lit with a smile.

"Their faces are hung that way due to the frozen tundra-like air hanging in the evening shadows," Edna silently decided, fussing at the men for blocking her path and detaining her journey. "No doubt their faces are frozen in time," she added, her mood not to be reckoned with.

"Good day, kind madam!" they simultaneously greeted her, tipping their stove-pipe hats.

"Bah! Doodlebug! Out of my way!" Edna demanded, shoving them away with her arms, unsuccessfully so.

"A penny for the new Village health spa?" they inquired, faces hopeful and still smiling.

Edna scowled. A rotting little health spa was the last thing this village needed!  How dare the political hierarchies squander the town's funds on machines that made one pump and sweat. Yes, there were times when pumping and sweating rendered good, thrilling things, but a health spa wasn't one of those situations.

"Out of my way, I say to you again!" she tossed out, seeking an egress to pass these begging looters. They should be outlawed, them and their ludicrous health spa.

"But madam, a health spa will bring about better health, longer life and great joy to the village-"

"Life? Humph! Health nuts should do this world a favor by quickly decreasing the surplus population!"

Edna felt a rod of satisfaction echo through her as both men's faces suddenly thawed and revolved into a horrified stance.

"Now be gone! Leave me alone! Looters - you stinking sons of bench pressers!"

Edna clamored on by, then swiftly collected her ingredients for broccoli cheese soup. The aged cheddar looked rather lovely this evening, a delicious golden hue. My, her soup would be tasty....

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