The Diet Hex

Written by Sky Taylor, Diet Bites

Oh my goodness, how did this happen?

How one festive day of diet naughtiness can hex your scales.

This drama begins with Herb making a simple visit to a local bakery to pick up a gourmet pie that he knows his visiting Aunt Thelma will love; chocolate crème meringue dusted with chocolate sprinkles. Perfect choice - she'll love it!

Next stop, the corner deli. Oh my, they have a gazillion goodies spread out today to choose from, so Herb takes a pint of potato salad, a pint of beans, a roasted duckling that looks extra succulent, and a loaf of rosemary bread embossed with an exquisite fan-pattern of fresh rosemary.

Auntie will be pleased! Wait! Almost forgot that sparkling bottle of bubbly to celebrate her visit.

Herb whistles a happy tune as he heads for home. Aunt Thelma should be there; he sent her an extra key to his apartment in the mail last week, as he knew he'd still be at work when she arrived.

Oh my, what's this? A note taped to the door? Looks like Auntie's handwriting, too.

"My dearest Herbert, please forgive me. The apartment maintenance man dropped in to fix your leaky sink and well, one thing lead to another. We're off to Vegas to tie the knot, sweetie. I'm not getting any younger, nor prettier for that matter. Forgive me. I was cursed with passion. Aunt Thel"

Herb spends the next two hours munching on the luscious deli offerings, topping off his munching with a nice slice of fresh baked pie. It was so tasty that he helped himself to another generous slice, silently scolding himself for he'd taken in an enchilada luncheon that had included two baskets of chips and four containers of hot sauce. That blasted praline had sure been good, too. He'd planned to go light on dinner, promising himself to drop a bit of weight before the summer heat settled in. Tomorrow.

He gazed at the coffee table where he had arranged his mini-feast. It looked a bit like a giant mouse had foraged the area. Hum, what happened to the duckling? Surely he hadn't eaten it all?

Bread was missing, too. Beans? Potato salad? All gone. My, he'd eaten everything except one last slice of the heavenly pie.

Well, he'd save that for breakfast and begin his diet anew after that. Auntie had delivered an unsightly blow and it was okay to be diet naughty for one night, wasn't it?

Herb ended up drinking half the bottle of calorie-rich bubbly then fell into bed without a shower.

Oh, donkeys and carts! That alarm clock had never sounded so loud before. Herb ambled out of bed trying to focus as he headed towards the bath.

Must weigh first.

He tried to make out the numbers on the scale but they remained fuzzy. Then suddenly, they spun into clarity and Herb almost had a coronary (or a hiatal hernia-type reaction at minimum).

A seven pound weight gain??

Nah. Herb stepped off the scale, then lumbered back on again. No change. Then he bounced on the scales. He cursed the scales using PG-13 rated curse words.

How? Seven pounds in one day? Impossible!!!

We are happy to report that Herb took a shower, avoided that last slice of naughty pie, choosing to give it to his wonderful assistant at work instead.

He was also very diet nice from this point on out, went on to lose enough weight so that he looked very smart in his black Speedo swimsuit when summer hit.

Auntie went on to become a well-known celebrity on a nationally televised cooking show. Her specialty, chocolate crème meringue pie. The End.

WAIT!! We aren't quite finished yet! Let's tackle that seven-pound overnight weight gain. Was that indeed a seven-pound fat wad? No! In order for Herb to gain seven pounds in one day, he would have to eat a surplus of almost 25,000 calories!

So, why did he experience such a tremendous weight gain?

- Sodium intake greatly influences the number on the scale. Delbert the Deli Man is famous for injecting his succulent ducklings with a sodium-rich baste.

And you can safely bet that those enchiladas weren't sodium-free.

- Herb feasted until well into the evening. That 'duck load' was still with him.

- The seven pounds may have been the result of a combination of circumstances - even a trio of circumstances.Part of the gain may have actually been bona fide;

Herb may have picked up a few pounds due to a few days of overeating.

The good news. If Herb had been female he may have experienced an even greater number on the scale due to monthly water retention.

So, if this happens to you, don't panic. What can you do? Get back on track and stay there! Remember, perseverance is the key to success. You can do this.


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