Push Up Cowboy

Concealing Unsightly Weight Gain

Concealing unsightly weight gain is something that just about everyone's done from time-to-time. There are so many different apparatuses on the market these days that will do just that.

Just look at the offerings: girdles, mid-drift bras, vests, sweaters, coats, jackets, lounge wear, ponchos and my all time favorite, moo moos. It's amazing what that one little bowl of ice cream can do to a body. No wonder they call it Death by Chocolate.

Diet Bites has taken the liberty to single out a few of the more classic models. They say humor is always at the expense of something or someone else.

That's true; however, if we can't laugh at our own selves then what's left? And if any of these models ring a familiar chord, Diet Bites is here to help! So here we go…

The Push Up Cowboy

You've seen him. He's the guy that measures 52 inches around the waist yet fits into those size 32 Levi jeans. He's the guy with the really high voice. His belt buckle is equivalent to the hood ornament on 1952 Mercury and he'll probably stake a claim to rodeo fame. He's the 'Push Up Cowboy'. Of course, females are incapable of being so ingenious. When a lady hoists her excess over a pair of jeans everyone just assumes she's with child. And they say it's no longer a man's world.

Mr. Muscle

Let's not forget Mr. Muscle. You've seen him, too. He's the guy that's 189 ½ pounds above his maximum weight allowance and he walks like a bow-legged cowboy with both arms curved out at the sides.

If you could miniaturize him you could pick him up like a teapot. His voice is always a deep base, although all that manliness would never allow him to sing. Real men don't sing. Mr. Muscle's gait projects the illusion of fitness rather than fat - just as the Push Up Cowboy exudes the 'ram-tough' image.

Buxom Betsy (Hello Dolly!)

Buxom Betsy; you've seen her too. She's the one with the halter-top that's four sizes too small. This outfit announces to onlookers that Betsy's 'built'. All that cinched up girth is an overflow of her womanhood. Could a guy get away with this? Only if he's a pro wrestler.

Sally Smash & Sack

Last, but certainly not least, Sally Smash & Sack. Yes, you've seen her too. She's the one that's managed to mummify her size 24 body into a size 14 pair of jeans. You know her; she's the one who can't breathe. Aren't jeans great? They're the girdles of the new millennium.

Dieting is Mind Over Tummy

Dieting is a bit like buying a new roof or floor. It's very tough taking off the old so the new just sits right on top, covering the old baggage. Dieting is mind over tummy. Dieting is an attempt to redefine what truly controls our willpower. We shift that control from the tummy back to the brain where it belongs - in that empty spot where it left many moons ago. Old 'Will' sorta slipped and fell to the wayside while the tummy stepped in to assume control. Will is a versatile emotion. Some Wills are stronger than other Wills. Will can be your best friend when you're dieting or your worst enemy. Unfortunately, this happens to be true in the case of Push Up Cowboy, Mr. Muscle, Buxom Betsy, and Sally Smash & Sack. Somewhere along life's primrose path to sliminess Will got dumped. And now it's easier for our classic models to don outrageous toppings rather than ditch the excess bulk.

Hold Your Judgment Call!

But wait! Let's not be too critical or too judgmental. Losing weight isn't so easy. In fact, one can gain weight so much faster than one can lose. You can never lose as much weight as you can gain within an identical timeframe. So people tend to become discouraged. In fact, while most people are getting to Fatdom the time seems to fly. When you're having fun, that tends to happen. But eventually, the fun fades and bulk settles in its place and with it a personal resolution to lose weight. This urge to lose usually happens every holiday season.

Weight Demons

Again, the trouble is that the weight never comes off as fast as it went on. Therefore, we struggle to remain motivated during this delicate weight loss cycle so we can stay on track. There are so many different weight demons to wrestle with during the transition from fat to fit.

· Depravation. Yes, it happens. If Gill weighs 350 pounds then Gill's been doing a bit of very serious eating over the years. All that time Gill was cramming those goodies in as fast as possible, unconcerned about tomorrow. Then as Gill's cholesterol level began to match the numbers on his scale, he decided that he better melt off the excess - and fast! Double-fast. Even though Gill spent all those months and years eating as he pleased, as he treks slothfully though the weight-loss phase, eventually he will feel deprived. He'll see his friend Teddy cramming down a sack of cheese flavored snacks and a pack of candy bars and then it'll happen. Depravation.

· Hunger. The majority live for the moment. When one diets it's very difficult to imagine what you will feel or look like without the extra weight. We all want results NOW. It's so easy to fall off the weight wagon and be like Scarlet O'Hara, "I'll worry about that tomorrow". Just knowing that the calories have been cut, which translates to food intake, will work negatively on one's mind. That itself is enough to trigger hunger.

· Tiredness and/or bursts of energy. Sounds like an oxy-moron, doesn't it? Depending on sugar levels your energy tolerance bursts and fades. It's not easy juggling calories when one is dieting.

· Foul breath. 'Breath of T-Rex' is almost certain to happen from time-to-time when one diets. Rather than carrying around a bunch of parsley, try the '1 ½ calorie' mint. In this case, a little goes a long way.

Those are just a few items to expect during your dieting phase. It's important to be prepared and realize that there is an end in sight.

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