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Fred Learns About the Food Pyramid - Want
quick yet healthy weight loss like Fred?
Then this article was written just
for you! click
to continue
Diet Trouble-Shooting Guide - Diet
Bites unveils the first-ever trouble shooting guide
for dieters. click
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Diet - What is a diet? click
to continue
On a Diet - When the dieter pursues a diet, they may
immediately think, "I'm on a diet. I am restricted on what I can eat, so I can't
have this.... And I can't have that. And, oh dear, I wish this diet were already
over!" click
to continue
Obese to Oh Bliss - Climbing
up the weight ladder and back down again. click
to continue
I'm in the Mood for Dieting -
If you can't seem to get in the mood
for dieting, we'll do our best to get you there. Dieting can be a pleasant
experience, and a life-altering one at that! click
to continue
The Maverick Dieter - With a gazillion diets around, do
you still find it hard to find a diet that's perfect for you? Then perhaps it's
time to become a Maverick Dieter... click
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Weight Loss & Dieting via
the Fruit of the Earth - Due to the American culture being flavored more and more with new immigrants, we
are seeing a change in not only the way that America looks, but also in the way
America cooks. click
to continue
When Your Diet Flies South -
Many individuals do tend to appear much heavier
after the holidays, but that may be an instinctive quality of
mankind. click
to continue
Eliminating One Food - We've all heard it - it's been around
for years now. "If you will eliminate just one stick of gum a day from your
diet, you will lose 3 pounds in one year!' (or just one cookie, one soda,
etc...) click
to continue
- Diet
Snack Attack
- The
Diet Root Cellar
- Diet
Recipe Tips
- Diet
Questions
- Diet
Plum
- Diet
Partner
- Diet
Parachute
- Diet
Oils
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The
End of Your Diet Plan
Fishing
for Weight Loss
How
Big is Your Teaspoon?
Calories
in Starbucks Cookies
The
Benefits of Olive Oil
Low
Cholesterol Diet
Low
Calorie Cookie
How
To Lower Bad Cholesterol
House
of Carbs Directory
Diet
Key Lime Pie Recipe
Why
Can't I Resist Overeating?
Grapefruit
News
SITE
DISCLAIMER
|
WMD's
Found in Daily Diet Plan!
(Weapons
of Massive Dietception)
Breaking
News! Source: DIET BITES CIA
(Cholesterol
Investigative Association) - A Diet Bites' Exclusive!
Well, once again folks,
Diet Bites brings you breaking news that just can't be found anywhere
else. After an intensive investigation of the Human Diet,
Diet Bites has come forward to bring you breaking news regarding
WMD's (Weapons of Massive Dietception).
Due to our undercover
work (that was fun & yes, we love flannel sheets) we are advising
dieters
to stock up on duct tape and spring water to combat
these recently discovered WMD's...
And just how serious is the problem?
Well, here's how the scoop unveiled:
We began and
ended our journey at our innocent-looking
grandmother's house.....
A. THE KITCHEN PANTRY
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED: 2 cans of bona
fide lard, 1 bag of Grandmother's Cookies, and lots of bags stenciled with little
elves and hollow trees.
B. THE BEASTLY FRIDGE
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
1 carton of rocky road ice cream that held the picture of a popular cow, 2 jars
of hot fudge topping, 1 carton of whipping crème and one jar of cherries in extra
thick syrup labeled, "Who's Your Mama?".
C. THE TV VIEWING AREA
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
3-liter bottle of non-diet soda pop, 1 king-size bag of cheese flavored snacks (extra
crunchy variety), and 1 pair of rubber gloves inset with rhinestones (Grandma
is a huge Ronco fan).
D. THE DEADLY DINING ROOM TABLE
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
1 Carnival-glass candy dish filled with chocolate objects wrapped in foil and
labeled, "Who's Your Daddy?" AND 1 can of mixed nuts, shelled, salted,
roasted & coated with honey.
 E. THE
BEASTLY BATHING AREA
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
1 bottle filled with a mysterious looking green potion labeled, "Garden
of Evening", 1 half-eaten avocado, more foiled candy shoved into the soap dish,
and one Over the Hill Playtime Magazine.
F. THE BEWILDERING BEDROOM
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
1 bag of opened licorice whips tucked inside a honed-leather pouch, one half-eaten box of chocolates, a fifth of
Irish Whiskey and one half-lit cigar.
G. THE BEASTLY RIDE (Grandma's
Green Geo) (A 5-Speed)
WMD's POSITIVELY IDENTIFIED:
a thick envelope filled with fastfood coupons, 5 pounds of Jelly Belly's, and
an empty Styrofoam coffee cup that once held a frothy fatty object.
CONCLUSIONS & REMEDIES
As
a preventive measure to defend yourself against these WMD's (Weapons of Massive
Dietception), Diet Bites has formulated the following table for Quick Treat
Attack Reference.
Make a special note that the
months of November & December will always be at LEVEL RED for SEVERE Treat Attacks!
DIET
BITES ADVISORY SYSTEM
|
Severe
Risk of Treat Attacks
|
|
High
Risk of Treat Attacks
|
|
Significant
Risk of Treat Attacks
|
|
General
Risk of Treat Attacks
|
|
Low Risk
of Treat Attacks
|
|
We highly recommend that in the
event of a Level Red that you apply duct tape over the lips to ensure total
resistance.
For Level Orange, leave tape
hanging
to one side of mouth for swift application in the event of a full blown Treat
Attack (i.e. Level Red).
Level Yellow Alert should indicate
that you Stop & Look at your duct tape.
If bored, draw a smiley on it. Preparation!
During Level Blue you should
refuel on spring water and prepare for those higher levels of attacks that are
guaranteed to come your way.
Level Green's require substitution
of lettuce & other leafy objects for Threatening Treats.
Level Green usually ensues annually, after January 1st and lasts until
February 14th, Valentine's Day. It is the safest Threat Alert in our Advisory
System.
In the event that you find our
Advisory System too confusing, you may wish to incorporate some of the 'quick fixes'
we used at Grandmother's house.
Click
For Quick
Fixes for the Sly Old Fox
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