Diet Stage of Pre-Frenzy
Diet Stage of Total Frenzy
Dear Diet Bites Reader:
You are cordially invited to enjoy the story of Harry, the word-painted portrait of a frenzied dieting soul. Yes, for your sole reading pleasure, we have detailed a frenzied blow-by-blow account of a day in the life of Harry's diet.
No need to R.S.V.P
Date: Saturday, a rather hot and humid May day
Time: 7:00 AM
Where: Harry's den
Moderator: Eaten just before Sunday at daybreak.
Cover Charge: Free at Diet Bites
And so our sordid tale begins....
Time: 7:00 AM
Harry began his fun diet a couple of weeks ago. The fun diet had helped him shed 5 unwanted pounds. We find Harry in his den, watching the Saturday morning cartoons (what little is left of them).
He has just enjoyed a nice breakfast of oatmeal with cinnamon & raisins.
My, he's sure feeling full right now with those 250 healthy calories packed beneath his hide...
Time: 8:55 AM
Harry is still feeling stuffed from breakfast so he decides to forego a mid-morning snack while he enjoys the morning paper. Generally during the week, Harry will enjoy a mid-morning and a mid-afternoon snack.
But the weekend has thrown him a bit off his routine. Oh! Harry has just discovered the daily crossword puzzle.
Time: 10:47 AM
Harry heads off to play on the computer. He decides to visit one of the chat rooms.
And is he in luck! The room is filled with witty, funny, chatty people. Harry finds that he has never laughed this hard in his life. He also finds that he is biting his nails and realizes that he's getting a tab hungry. Hum.
Time: 1:30 PM
Harry is hit by Mother Nature so he must get up to take care of business. He glances at the kitchen clock on his way to the bathroom. Oh my word! 1:30 PM??? How did that happen?
Time: 1:35 PM
Harry returns to the computer, but pauses to grab a diet soda from the fridge. This tasty diet soda should ward off the hungries, he thinks. He can't wait to get back into the funny chat room. My, this is fun!
Harry suddenly feels giddy. If Harry's head wasn't filled with jingle bells, he'd realize that his giddy feeling is due to lack of nourishment.
Time: 3:45 PM
The chat room is clearing out. Harry feels a bit weak and tired, probably from all that typing.
His eyes wander to the time listed in the bottom right hand corner of his computer. Almost 4:00 PM???? How did that happen?
His tummy answers with a large growl.
Harry decides that it's time to eat. He'll enjoy a couple of slices of the expensive but healthy pizza topped with low fat cheese that he bought at the market on Wednesday, and perhaps a big salad with light dressing on the side.
Time: 3:50 PM
Harry jerks out the pizza and tosses it onto the counter, then throws lettuce, tomatoes and carrots on top of the cardboard box. What a meal he'll have! Perhaps he should enjoy 3 slices of the pizza? He's feeling very weak and shaky. Perhaps 4 pieces wouldn't hurt.
After all, it's a healthy pizza with only 200 calories per slice.
He is momentarily detained by the knock at the front door. It's Ms. Snodgrass, his neighbor - the cat nut. Her cat is all that she talks about - 'Fluffy this and Fluffy that'. Then last week, she had to go and purchase a second cat; a gray one. Harry listens as she explains that her Fluffy is stuck in his crabapple tree.
Time: 5:30 PM
Idiot Fluffy's claw marks were etched all inside of Harry's prize crabapple tree.
Some were also etched on his face as he'd braved up the tree to rescue the cat, a cat that really didn't want to be rescued at all.
Fluffy was a tease and Harry thought that she'd been content just to sit up in the tree meowing.
At least Ms. Snodgrass was happy now. Harry's tummy growled again. He was starting to feel headachy and knew it was from lack of food. Either that, or it was all Fluffy's fault.
Time 6:30 PM
Showered, but unshaven, Harry emerged from the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.
He needed to put something in his tummy - but fast! Harry gave a tiny thought to the diet he'd been on for the last 2 weeks. He'd been so good! He knew that it had been unwise to skip lunch for the chat room, but time seemed to have raced by!
But now, he was beginning to feel like he was chained to a wall - unable to reach food fast enough.
Harry was in a state of Diet Pre-Frenzy.
Time 6:35 PM
Harry rushes to the kitchen only to discover that his healthy pizza has turned into wet cardboard.
His lettuce has also browned on the ends.
He jerks open the fridge only to find it bare.
How did this happen???? He forgot that he had planned to visit the market again this morning to stock up on healthy food items.
My, it was difficult pre-planning while dieting because he opted for fresh items like green beans, lettuce, tomatoes, and assorted fruits. Mushrooms would curl up and die in a flash but suddenly, Harry felt like if he didn't soon find nourishment, he'd curl up and die.
He felt slobber run out the side of his open mouth as the doorbell sounded again.
If Ms. Snodgrass had returned to have another discussion about her cats, Harry knew he was going to be hard-pressed not to choke her.
Time: 6:36 PM
Against his better judgment, he headed towards the front door. He decided to keep his cool and retain his neighborly relationship with Ms. Snodgrass. She had a mouth on her and it wouldn't be good to get on her bad side.
To Harry's dismay, Ms. Snodgrass didn't meet him at the front door. Instead, two friendly looking guys from a local church stood there instead looking crisp and fresh in their white shirts and black ties. Their bikes were parked on his sidewalk. Not wanting to appear rude, he ushered them inside.
They were nice, but they wouldn't shut up. Harry couldn't get a word in edgewise.
Time: 9:38 PM
The visitors from the church gave Harry something to thank God for - that they had finally left so he could eat.
He had a plan in mind. The Bell was the closest source of food. It was fast food, but there were still a few healthy choices on the menu.
But at this point, did Harry really care?
And where are my stinking car keys????
Thank goodness the visitors had just wheeled away on their bikes through the night, Harry thought.
Time: 11:30 PM
Harry finally locates his keys. Thank goodness that The Bell was open until 2 AM tonight.
Time: 11:40 PM
Harry's Geo is bouncing all over the road. Surely he didn't run over a varmint? That would be sad. Harry realizes that he has a flat tire.
Time: 12:30 AM
Harry finally pulls into the parking lot at The Bell.
Famished, he practically trots to the restaurant doors only to find that they have just locked the doors.
Harry yells frantically through the glass doors at the young man wearing the funny looking hat.
The young man grabs a board, writes something down and holds it up for Harry to read. "Out of tortillas and cheese. Closing early tonight. Sorry."
Harry yells up to the dark sky.
The young man taps on the glass and Harry reads: "May I suggest The Hut? Right down the street."
Harry smiles and gives a big thumbs up to the young man.
Time: 12:45 AM
Oh goody - it looks like The Hut is open! Joy!! Harry sails right up to the drive-thru window. He knows exactly what he is going to order.
Diet Stage of Pre-Frenzy
Diet Stage of Total Frenzy
"1 stuffed crust super supreme, 2 orders of bread sticks and a large REAL soda!!!"
By gosh, Harry had planned to have pizza today, and he was going to have it!! Right now, he didn't care if it was healthy, or not!
And what a deal! Harry got about 10,000 calories for about $15.00.
Time: 1:15 AM
Harry wolfed down his food. He took the route home that flowed by the Riverwalk and stopped in at Jack's Box to order an Oreo shake - just the regular size for a mere 740 calories.
Time: 1:45 AM
Once home, he went straight to bed on an extremely full tummy. We are sad to say that the following morning, Harry returned to his wicked diet ways.
The moral of our story is:
Plan ahead when dieting and stick as close to the times that you plan to eat, as possible. Or you just may slip off into a howling state of frenzy...
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